Day 9: My name is Milla, and I’m an addict.

So I’ve made it all the way here: Day 9. So proud of myself. I thought I was over the cravings but last night I found myself asking my husband to get me some ice-cream from the freezer.

Be strong baby. If you don’t have any, I won’t.”

So there I stayed, in his lovely arms. He was home before it was dark for the first time in weeks. I wasn’t about to move, not even for ice-cream.

Last Saturday we had a tea party chez nous and much to my surprise, it wasn’t as agonising as I expected. That’s the thing about making cakes – you see exactly what goes into them, and after a week of no sugar, the idea of giving up for 200g of sugar just didn’t appeal to me. I really wanted a lemon muffin though. Lemon is perfect in everything. The hardest part was serving our guests and not eating. I’d feel rather uncomfortable if the host sat without eating, and would start to wonder just what is in the food…

The following day, we went to my brother-in-law’s for a house-warming lunch. There were no less than 4 cakes for dessert including one of my favourites: lemon meringue pie. Gutted.

The hardest part of my day is between 1400-1600 as this is when I usually catch-up on emails, read the news and sip green tea whilst snacking on dark chocolate. I feel so frustrated, and a little angry to be honest. Why am I addicted to beeping sugar? Why oh why is my one innocent, inexpensive pleasure causing me this much trouble? Why is the one thing I enjoy the most, the one thing that is bad for me? Why can’t I have a small bag of my favourite orangettes from Jeff de Bruges?  It doesn’t seem fair. The more I continue detoxing from sugar, the less relevance the sugar has. This has become about my self-control and emotional strength. I cannot be defeated by sugar. I will not be defeated by sugar.

I’ve been thinking about my mum a lot. She smokes. She always smoked. She’s tried practically everything to try to give up, but just hasn’t been able to. Every time she gives up, anger, frustration and disappointment fill my body and I’m ashamed to admit, my words. As my husband explained, if I’m struggling (and believe me I am) to stay away from sugar, imagine how hard it must be for my mum to give up smoking after over 35 years. I feel awful that I have been so ignorant to my mum’s struggle and cannot wait to see her in 2 weeks for a big cuddle. Hopefully this experience will increase my tolerance for my mum’s battle against cigarettes. That said, I still believe that smoking is utterly stupid. Sorry mum, sugar or no sugar, my view hasn’t changed.

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9 Comments

  1. 12 October 2010 / 18:32

    Good job!! Believe it or not the cravings will pass. People always think that you’re watching your waistline when you pass on sugar treats. Sometimes it is easier just to say, yeah I’m on a diet than to go into the reasoning and watch their eyes glaze over. Stay strong Milla!! 🙂

    • Milla
      Author
      13 October 2010 / 11:28

      When woman, when?! Cravings be gone!

      Most people don’t get it, but I’m just trying to stay focused on what works for me. Hopefully others with understand but if not, c’est la vie!

      You’re a great supporter Cupcake, merci!

      x

  2. 12 October 2010 / 22:13

    You came this far already. Don’t give up!
    @cupcake So true that people confuse giving up sugar with dieting. No no no. We just want to be more healthy!

    Big bisous!
    LCT

    • Milla
      Author
      13 October 2010 / 11:15

      You ladies are so right. People keep saying “Why are you on a diet?” with a look of disdain. No people, I just want to be healthy!

      This is the longest I’ve ever gone without sweets or chocolate, and am not giving up!

      Bises,

      M

      x

  3. everydayglamour
    13 October 2010 / 03:18

    Go Milla!! I agree with the other girls–it’s about your long term health! You will feel so great in a little while. You won’t even want to go back. Not even for lemon cake. 😉

    • Milla
      Author
      13 October 2010 / 10:49

      Of all the things I can imagine, turning down a lemon cake isn’t one of them, but I live in hope. I have my little stash of raisins which keep me going.

      You were right Kate; I still want chocolate but I can feel the difference in my body. I have so much more energy.

  4. Dana
    13 October 2010 / 12:51

    Stay strong Milla, you will get there….

    • Milla
      Author
      13 October 2010 / 20:11

      I just want ‘there’ to be ‘here’. I’m sticking with it : )

  5. 14 October 2010 / 01:40

    Talk about feeling left out! Little did I know so many people lived without sugar but everyone reading this blog does! I am starting to feel like a pig actually, more than left out.

    ; )

    Fantastic strength, Milla! Brava! And points for husband for his support of your life change, strength in numbers. I will share in hope that it helps: today marks my umpteenth anniversary of being free from alcohol, I PROMISE the cravings pass. Like Kate said, your new you will feel so good, she will laugh at the old you. Go Milla!

    ; )

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