In the last few weeks I have been packing away items I no longer use, fit in or desire. I had dresses I last wore 8-9 years ago when I was younger and my hemlines were scandalously shorter, presents people kindly gave me but I never used and bottles of unused toiletries. All packed away and off to the charity shop. I like this concept of being possession-light and free of unnecessary material goods. I unfollowed dozens of social media accounts, unsubscribed from various newsletters and had a bit of a frenzied delete/throw-out moment. Those pesky remnants of my younger, superficial life when I cared (yikes) about labels, society pages and other forms of ridiculousness.
After years of heavy suitcases filled to the brim with items I would never wear on holiday, I try to travel with hand luggage now. I still remember the look on the bell man’s face when I checked out of my Istanbul hotel: I had 1 over-the-shoulder carry-on bag for 5 days. We both laughed about it. I don’t buy souvenirs or very much when I travel so, if anything, my case gets lighter. I am trying to apply this to future trips too.
Recently I’ve been listening to The Minimalists via their podcast (Technology and Education are particularly pertinent to my life) and I realise they constantly articulate what I have been struggling to accept: sometimes we need to declutter our relationships just as we do our wardrobes. I know someone who only contacts me to talk about herself, often not even asking about how I am. I mean, basic etiquette. If you ask her a question, she will never respond without “my boyfriend says” interjected into her answer, she complains constantly yet does nothing to address her issues and, most importantly, I feel really low after I’ve interacted with her. Some people just drag you down. Look, we’re grown ups; our relationships are an important facet of who we are but I struggle with people who speak through the opinions of others. I try to be empathetic towards other people. I know (and love) that we’re all different, I just struggle with people who complain yet do nothing. We all have down moments but, come on, let’s stay positive, focused and move on to better, happier times. I’m more of a let’s-encourage-and-soar-together rather than let’s-be-miserable-forever kind of person. My life has had some lows, and there were times when I didn’t think I would make it. I did. I have nothing to complain about, just gratitude for where I am and the possibility of going further. Not everybody is the same, and that is okay. One of my favourite quotations from The Minimalists essay entitled Goodbye Fake Friends (not sure where it originates from) is
“You can’t change the people around you, but you can change the people around you.”
I guess it wasn’t until last weekend when my friend Amber was in town that I realised how bad this actually is. We met for coffee and discussed everything: university, our relationships, the brilliance of Timberyard, future goals, politics, living abroad, the perfect lip moisturiser and that as long as cake exists, we will keep eating it for breakfast. I felt happy, light and motivated as I headed off to my Japanese class, and sad that my dear friend wasn’t staying (but excited about her life abroad). It really made me think about my interactions with other people, and how I spend my time. As an introvert I do not choose or like to spend much of my time around others so, in those limited interactions, why would I choose to be be around negativity? I am doing this to myself.
Change is challenging but necessary. I’m learning that things and people should bring value to your life, not weigh you down or clutter your shelves. As one of my favourite yoga teachers – Andrew McGonigle – always says in class
“Let go of what is no longer serving you.”